Broken

Around 2 years ago, I started to feel something i’d never experienced before.
I’ve always been a hard worker - no stranger to long hours or tough timelines, and although I’ve had times where I’ve been stressed, I’ve always pushed through it.
This particular time though, I was in a new job which was becoming increasingly demanding and office morale was really low. One weekend, I went to tackle some work that was needed before a new week and I started to get really physically sick. I had a massive headaches, and I couldn’t keep anything down. I thought I was just coming down with something, but on Monday morning I woke up and I realized I felt totally broken.

It’s like my mind and body just snapped. The pressures at work, combined with the guilt of not having enough time for my wife and young children, but yet the feeling of needing to provide for them all just piled up and things gave out on me. This then led me to feelings of guilt and inadequacy for not being able to do what I was “supposed to be able to do” or be "part of the solution" and I felt trapped in a bad cycle inside my head.

I had no control over my body- I was physically ill for weeks, and have never felt so low mentally. 

I went to my doctor, who supported me in needing to take some time off, but eventually I actually had to switch jobs in order to give myself a full reset.

I’ve found my experience has left me a lot more aware of my mind and body now. I can kind of feel it when i’m starting to loose my grip on things, so that I can catch it before it gets too bad.

It wasn’t until this incident that I truly understood just how much your mental health can affect the physical you. I have such a better understanding and respect for it now, and so I want to be able to share my story so others don’t feel alone.